Nobody went to Charlotte to watch Florida State beat a crappy Georgia Tech squad to win their first ACC Championship since 2005, and nobody wanted to see NIU beat Kent State to move into the BCS top 16 and earn an automatic BCS bow bid.
Yet, here we are, and if ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit — who was more ticked off than anybody to see NIU earn their bid — is off having an angry drink about it in a corner somewhere, we’ll at least just have a bunch of happy drinks in our living rooms for him.
Why? Because drinking games make totally random games like these even more fun.
Take one drink if:
An announcer talks about the easy schedules of either or both of these teams.
An announcer pokes fun at either the ACC, the MAC, or both — probably both.
A comparison chart is show between NIU’s Jordan Lynch and FSU’s EJ Manuel.
The chances of success at the professional level of either of these two are mentioned.
A graphic explaining why NIU was guaranteed an Orange Bowl berth is displayed — *multiple drinks for multiple times shown*.
A sponsor’s graphic is shown.
There is a 10-yard run or a 15-yard pass.
Your quarterback gets sacked — you’re going to want to drink anyways.
Your team is losing after the first quarter.
Your team is winning after the first quarter — just go with it.
Take two drinks if:
Any mention of Dave Doeren is made.
Any mention of Mark Stoops is made.
Any mention of rumors of Jimbo Fisher’s imminent departure is made.
The announcers talk about Jordan Lynch’s all-time single-season rushing yards record for a quarterback.
The announcers talk about how boring of a place Dekalb, Illinois actually is.
The announcers even know where Dekalb, Illinois actually is.
Florida State defensive end Bjoern Werner does something really scary — this will happen.
Any mention during the normal flow of the game is made to Manti Te’o or Johnny Manziel.
The opposing team scores a touchdown.
Your team scores a touchdown.
Your quarterback throws an interception.
Anyone gets hurt — a gulp or two out of respect goes a long way over the holidays, in this humble holiday drinker’s opinion.
Something wacky goes down on special teams.
Take three drinks if:
Your team is losing at halftime.
Your team is winning at halftime — it’s going to be a long break, you’ll need to keep up the pace.
The dude with the remote can’t find anything better to watch at halftime.
There is actually a full stadium — that will deserve a bit of celebration.
There are swaths of empty seats in the stadium — might as well drink either way, really.
Anyone uses the word ‘Cinderella’ to describe Northern Illinois’ presence in the BCS.
The camera focuses in on injured FSU defensive end Tank Carradine — four drinks if FSU is losing.
An announcer draws up a really confusing play on the telestrator — trust us, the drinking will clarify everything.
Any reference is made to Dr. Pepper Ten — that crap might not be for women, but holiday drinkin’ games are for all.
Your team loses a fumble.
Your team loses a replay challenge.
Your team misses a short field goal or an extra point — a short field goal is open to interpretation, but don’t wuss out, alright?
Chug your drink:
Any mention of Chuck Norris is made at any time — hey, it could happen, right?
Jordan Lynch is held under 100 yards rushing.
Drink everything that is left in the bar or in your house:
Northern Illinois actually wins this game — you’re celebrating like crazy of you’ve just lost to NIU in the Orange Bowl, either way, it’s time to forget the games and drink with a real sense of purpose!