MEMES: Kellen Winslow masturbates his way into the Internet’s heart [NSFW]

So Kellen Winslow was puffing on the synthetic peace pipe and trying to make his way to Boston Market when he found himself in a sticky situation (literally and figuratively).

Lost and and looking for answers, Winslow did what every normal crazy person would do. He pulled into a Target parking lot and allegedly whipped out his pecker in an effort to consult his other brain. A friendly conversation with a lady and a couple of bottles of vaseline later, and cops were rolling up on Winslow after he (allegedly) masturbated in the parking lot.

Sometimes nature calls, or something like that.

The Internet, of course, had a full-on love affair with Winslow’s touching (pun intended) story.

kellen winslow vaseline meme

kellen winslow masturbating meme 1

kellen winslow masturbating meme

kellen winslow masturbating

Photo: @Katiefirstlady

Photo: @TheStickypeanut

Photo: @TheStickypeanut

Photo: @BustedCoverage

Photo: @BustedCoverage

Photo: @dolfan565

Photo: @dolfan565

Now we know why Winslow didn’t just use the shower…

Photo: @K_H0W

Photo: @K_H0W

We can only hope that Vaseline, Boston Market and Target are hard at work developing the greatest marketing campaigns ever. Time to get creative, people.