Teddy Ballgame came to run on Thursday night. Like a bat shot out of hell from a cannon, Roosevelt streaked past his competitors in the Presidents Race. Unfortunately, he didn’t hear the ominous music blaring from the inner recesses of his brain. He got cocky, and, out of nowhere, was struck by a vicious sharknado. Er mer gerd.
Damn you, sharknado. Damn you! If only Biz Markie was there to warn poor Teddy. He’ll be ready to rough ride the hell out of that shark next time, though.
— Teddy Roosevelt (@Teddy26Nats) August 1, 2014
Next time …