The Southeastern Conference gets to take its seventh-straight crack at the BCS National Championship game. That fact, in and of itself, is enough to have annoyed the rest of the country to the point of reaching for the bottle. But there is so much more. If you are watching this game and you are not a natural fan of either the Irish or the Crimson Tide, that means at some point your season went the way of expired milk — down the drain. That may be exceedingly harsh, but you get the point.
[Bowl Season: Top 10 story lines, Irish and Tide top the list]
However, we here at Gamedayr don’t want anyone drinking out of anger or annoyance, now do we?
No, no we don’t, which is why we’ve got a drinking game put together so that you can enjoy the BCS National Championship game no matter where you are or who you root for.
Take one drink if:
The announcer says, “And this one is for all the marbles!” — hopefully nobody says this.
Any reference is made to Paul Bryant, Ara Parseghian, Dan Devine, or Lou Holtz — I told you your livers were going to have to be ready.
Any time an announcer talks about Bama’s loss to Texas A&M.
Any time an announcer talks about how tough it is to go through an SEC schedule undefeated.
Any time an announcer puts real emphasis on the word ‘history’ — again, your livers must be made your best friends.
Any reference is made to how expensive the tickets were for the game, or how cheap tickets were to the Orange Bowl.
Any shot of the crystal ball on the sidelines.
Any time an announcer talks about the fact that guys like Irish quarterback Everett Golson, Bama wideout Amari Cooper, or Tide running back TJ Yeldon ‘have had to grow up in a hurry’.
A sponsor’s graphic is shown.
There is a 10-yard run or a 15-yard pass.
Your quarterback gets sacked — you’re going to want to drink anyways.
Your team is losing after the first quarter.
Your team is winning after the first quarter — just go with it.
Take two drinks if:
The announcers talk about how great AJ McCarron is going to be next season.
The announcers talk about how great TJ Yeldon is going to be next season.
The announcers talk about how great Amari Cooper is going to be next season.
Eddie Lacy scores a touchdown.
Any mention is made of the ‘Elephants’ up front: A graphic with the sizes of each of the offensive linemen also counts.
Any mention during the normal flow of the game is made to Manti Te’o's Heisman loss to Johnny Manziel.
Any mention is made of the Stanford overtime loss to Notre Dame.
Any mention is made of the Stanford overtime win over Oregon.
The opposing team scores a touchdown.
Your team scores a touchdown.
Your quarterback throws an interception.
Anyone gets hurt — a gulp or two out of respect goes a long way over the holidays, in this humble holiday drinker’s opinion.
Something wacky goes down on special teams.
Take three drinks if:
Any reference is made to the fact that it is cold in South Bend and Irish fans are just so super-duper amazingly happy to be in sunny Miami — we get it, it snows in the Midwest, move on, but not before drinking.
Your team is losing at halftime.
Your team is winning at halftime — it’s going to be a long break, you’ll need to keep up the pace.
The dude with the remote can’t find anything better to watch at halftime.
An announcer draws up a really confusing play on the telestrator — trust us, the drinking will clarify everything.
Any reference is made to Dr. Pepper Ten — that crap might not be for women, but holiday drinkin’ games are for all.
Your team loses a fumble.
Your team loses a replay challenge — this may be a rarity with the two great head coaches on the field.
Your team misses a short field goal or an extra point — a short field goal is open to interpretation, but don’t wuss out, alright?
Chug your drink:
Any mention of Chuck Norris is made at any time — hey, it could happen, right?
Your team loses.
During any and all flashbacks regarding the two head coaches in question. Any footage of Bama’s Nick Saban holding up the crystal ball, any press conferences of Brian Kelly accepting the head coaching position at Notre Dame, anything. — they’re going to be hard to watch with drinks to your mouths, but you’re all a bunch of bright men and women, you’ll find a way to enjoy while enjoying your beverage of choice.
Title Game Special:
At the end of the game, try speaking in the same Australian accent as Alabama defensive tackle Jesse Williams. If you can do so without slurring the words … chug some more eggnog and try again until either ‘nog comes out your nose, you burst out laughing, or you can’t say ‘put another shrimp on the barbie’ without sounding like a six-year old who drank too many Five Hour Energies.