Before we jump into a recap of last week and this week’s selections, here’s a refresher on Paul’s Picks.
Paul’s Picks determines games based solely on Mother Nature and what would happen if teams’ mascots battled to the death. This is science, people. Check out the below video from the short-lived show Animal Face-Off to truly grasp the power of Paul’s Picks.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, on to the recap.
As expected, Paul came out on top in Week 1. Wildcats took down Bears, Elephants stomped on Turkeys, and all was right in the world.
However, there were some weird inconsistencies in Mother Nature. Rockets lost in a fight to Gators—the Toledo Challengers, maybe? It turns out Bulls only eat grass, not Buckeyes. Bobcats, it seems, are jittery around Cardinals. New Mexico State apparently hadn’t heard the one about what happens when you mess with the bull. Same with Vandy about not poking the Bear.
Paul ended up 9-5 in Week One. Compared to Stewart Mandel (12-1), Pat Forde (27-4), and Lee Corse (9-2) he’s really hanging in there. Kirk Herbstreit (10-4) is a big fan of Paul’s, as he too picked Toledo over Florida.
The picks for this week are:
FAU at ECU
A Pirate will gun down and swashbuckle any Owl, especially one that burrows.
Oregon at Virginia
The sword is mightier than the Duck.
South Carolina St. at Clemson
Paul thought Clemson settled this last week. Tigers over Bulldogs … again.
UAB at LSU
This isn’t Bilbo versus Smaug. Mike the Tiger gets Blazed.
Florida at Miami
Whenever Hurricanes hit Florida you only hear about Gators ending up in people’s pools. Pretty sure Gators live for the wind and rain.
West Virginia at Oklahoma
Mountaineers burn the Schooner to the ground. West Virginians do do love their fires.
Winner: West Virginia
Syracuse at Northwestern
Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad you’re smart enough to know that a Wildcat kicks the crap out of a rotund citrus fruit any day of the week?
Buffalo at Baylor
The NASDAQ special. Paul predicts a Bear market on Saturday.
Washington St. at USC
Trojan Man needs better protection. Cougars are just too deadly.
Notre Dame at Michigan
A small bear versus a small human. Given that the Fighting Irish uses only fisticuffs, Paul gives this battle to the Wolverine in a close one. It would be much less close if Michigan used X-Men’s Wolverine as its mascot.
South Carolina at Georgia
This week’s top animal battle. Dogfights versus cockfights. Roosters are mean as fire and can hold their own in most battles. Bulldogs are stout, with no necks and powerful jaws. If the Gamecock stands a chance, it better go for the eyes (they are the groin of the face). All it takes is one good shot from a Bulldog to fell the flock. A dog backed into a corner is not to be messed with. Bulldogs in an epic battle.
[Photo Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports, Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports]