Bo Pelini is digging himself quite a hole in Nebraska. It began with his atrocious defenses. Then Cornhusker legend Tommy Frazier upped the ante by calling for a “change.” Things have now gone from bad to worse with the release of Pelini’s expletive-laced tirade against fans. It’s hard to see this one playing out any way other than an acrimonious exit. In an effort to predict how the rest of Pelini’s tenure goes, we delved into our movie archives. Here are the top 10 scenarios for Bo Pelini and Nebraska parting ways, as depicted by Hollywood.
NOTE: Many of these clips are NSFW, so tread lightly.
1) Best-case scenario
Pelini sucks it up and goes out fighting. In a way that makes Bormir proud. Nebraska takes out as many Big Ten foes as possible before dropping to big, bad Ohio State in the Big Ten Championship game. Call this Bo’s last stand.
2) Worst-case scenario
Bo is backed into a corner. He has nowhere to go and pulls a “Petrino,” bailing out mid-season. Nobody comes out looking good.
Things are squirrely, but Bo thinks he’s straightened the ship. Little does he know, there are traitors in his ranks. A defeat to Penn State and Bo gets the Lion King treatment from Scar and the hyenas.
4) So you’re saying there’s a chance
Bo is blindsided by all the negative energy. He’s so happy in Lincoln that he doesn’t see the breakup coming. Pelini holds out hope as Big Red finds a new beau.
5) Life imitating art (NSFW)
Hasn’t this already happened? Bo curses and threatens the fan base, so management has to put him in his place. Like Brad going from employee of the month to unemployment, Coach Bo goes from hot prospect to old news.
6) Highly unlikely
Embarrassed and caught off guard, Bo keeps things together and says he’s not going to flip out. When has Bo ever not flipped out?
7) Walk it out (NSFW)
Little does Bo know it, but the Five Finger Death Punch was part of Tom Osborne’s playbook in 1995. Even worse: Tommy Frazier runs it to perfection. Frazier doesn’t dislike Bo, it’s just that sometimes Bo upsets him. Pelini’s personality is hot and cold, but he goes out with dignity after one final battle.
8) The severance package (NSFW)
Bo has little interest in saving himself. He’s been a puppet for boosters for too long. In one final stab, he negotiates a pretty sweet severance package. After taking heat for so long, Bo leaves Nebraska as an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.
9) My office is between the hash marks (NSFW)
In one last act of defiance, Bo treats his co-workers like they’re slippery Big Ten referees. Everyone get’s a piece of his mind. At one point he even channels his old playing days.
10) Live and direct (NSFW)
No more audio recordings. Bo calls a presser and let’s every media member, fan, booster, and alum know how he feels. He then drops the mike and heads to Culvers for one, final custard.
One more because we couldn’t help ourselves. Bo is ultimately brought down by his hubris. He thought he was bigger than the program and its followers. Maybe Nebraska wasn’t the best job for Coach Pelini. The stress has aged him. Maybe he chose poorly.