You can’t make this stuff up: Chad ‘Ochocinco’ Johnson sex tape emerges

Still want that Chad Johnson autograph? You don’t know where the wide receiver’s hands have been — until now, that is. (Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports)

Former Bengals, Patriots and Dolphins wide receiver Chad Johnson may not be spotted on TV on Sundays, but the always outspoken former player can definitely still be found on camera.

Just not by children — unless something has gone haywire with a parent’s internet filters, that is.

[Latest: Lane Kiffin has really outdone himself this time] has procured a copy of a sex tape that Johnson himself has confirmed was him. Apparently, the video was shot roughly three years ago, and it depicts the alleged ‘sexcapades’ with, oh yes, a full audience in the background.

“Viewer dropped these old photos in our inbox. Allegedly Chad Ocho Cinco giving ol’ girl the business,” the site writes. “The photo is really a video that was taken as a screen-shot during Chad’s alleged sexcapades with a full audience in the background. In the photo you can see what appears to be Chad hitting it from the back, and another photo of the stripper riding Chad until the wheels fall off. While everyone in the background was getting an eye-full, one woman wanted to treasure the moment forever and record it. You can see her doing so in the mirrors reflection.”

The man got paid in his 11-plus years in the NFL, and now he has bankrolled some serious lawyers to have the video removed from the web. An understandable move if there ever was one.

That being said, the damage has already been done. Like so many other aspects of Johnson’s life, the charismatic 34-year old may not have meant to cause harm, but there has been no other result.

He and his ex-wife, Evelyn Lozada, are currently working on a reconciliation. She said the sex tape won’t bother her, but she really didn’t seem all that jazzed about it either. You really just can’t make this stuff up:

“LMFAO @MediaTake_Out Those chicks in the video are not my ‘friends’ & the video is old news over here in my circle – Merry Christmas f**ks,”

Johnson’s 2012 stat line: One case of domestic abuse, one divorce, one sex tape, and zero receptions.

Talk about someone who should really try to stick his New Year’s resolutions.

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