America’s greatest ambassador, Dennis Rodman, has entered alcohol rehab. According to the Associated Press, Rodman was in rough shape following his visit to North Korea, and has entered an undisclosed facility.
“What was potentially a historic and monumental event turned into a nightmare for everyone concerned,” [Rodman’s agent Darren] Prince said. “Dennis Rodman came back from North Korea in pretty rough shape emotionally. The pressure that was put on him to be a combination ‘super human’ political figure and ‘fixer’ got the better of him.
“He is embarrassed, saddened and remorseful for the anger and hurt his words have caused.”
Apparently all of the exhibition basketball and birthday singing took its toll on Rodzilla. Or maybe it was the incoherent discourse concerning American hostages. Whatever the cause, Rod the Bod turned into Rod the Bottle.
There’s no word yet how this will affect his side project “Dennis Rodman — The original Bad Ass Premium Vodka.” However, initial beliefs are that claims of alcoholism aren’t good for the burgeoning company.
Despite all the criticism of Rodman, his agent insists that people are too tough on the former NBA player and Celebrity Championship Wrestling title holder.
“People forget Dennis is just an entertainer and retired NBA star,” Prince said. “The fact remains that a basketball game was played in North Korea live in front of 14,000 people and hundreds of millions around the world viewed clips of the game.”
It’s unfortunate that the rigors of a publicity stunt turned God complex drove Rodman to crawl inside a bottle. Hopefully he dries out, collects himself, and realizes that some politics extend beyond majestic beauty of basketball. If not for himself, Kenneth Bae and the collective sanity of America, then at least for the future of Bad Ass Premium Vodka.