Arrest report on drunk Blue Jays fan is the greatest piece of legalese ever

toronto fan police report

On May 5, a Blue Jays fan, in all of his drunken glory, raced out onto the grass in Toronto. The fan was arrested after delaying the game.

The above record is the actual arrest report filed by a police officer working the case, unearthed by the good folks over at DJF The Score. It may just be the single most legendary piece of legalese we have ever seen.

On May 5, 2013 at approximately 3:18 PM the Toronto Blue jays were surprisingly winning against the underrated Seattle Marriners. Our hapless Jays limped along to the bottom of the 8th inning. At one point, the Jays were considered World Series contenders. One can almost forgive the accused for his below described actions.

Luckily, the accused ran onto the field from level 100 and wasn’t forced to jump from the 500 level out of sheer frustration.

In any event, the accused before the court, Joseph [Redacted], in what can only be described as an attempt to inject some kind of spark in our listless Jays, ran onto the field “interrupting” the game, giving jays fans a brief respite from their season long agony.

The accused was subsequently placed under arrest to applause, transported to 52 Division where he was released on a Form 10/11.1.

Can Joseph be our best friend?

[H/T: Deadspin]

  • ben

    LOL!!! police-report-writing: you’re doing it right!