Grudenisms: Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers

ESPN finally got a good Monday Night Football game with the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers. How ironic is it that both starting QB’s were out for the majority of the game? It’s even more ironic when you consider that Jon Gruden was an offensive assistant in Green Bay. Coach found some reasons to get excited and brought us some fairly decent Grudenisms.

Grudensim: This is almost a fadeaway one-arm slasher.

Couch Commentary: Kinda like Jason Voorhees meets Michael Jordan, right? I see ya over there, Chuckie. NBA opening week meets Halloween—yep.

Grudenism: He’s got fresh legs.

Couch Commentary: Like a young Joe Namath. FTD, baby.

Grudenism: See number 42 honor McCown.

Couch Commentary: If this was baseball it’d be the other way around. Just saying.

Grudenism: They say what’s the difference with Chicago’s red zone offense. I say they got some Monsters of the Midway!

Couch Commentary: Let me get this straight: Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery are same tier as Sid Luckman, Walter Payton, Mike Singletary, and Richard Dent? Once a wide receivers coach, always a wide recervers coach, huh Gru?

Grudenism: If it’s a soft box, hand it off.

Couch Commentary: I’m telling Cindy.

Grudenism: That’s what I’m talking about: a catch radius. That radius is about nine-feet high.

Couch Commentary: I’m not Euclid by any means, but shouldn’t that be a catch circumference? You’re right, that’s petty. Who do I think I am, Keith Olbermann?

Grudenism: Where do you find three people wearing a shredder? I’m getting three of those!

Couch Commentary: What in the hell does one grown man need with one cheese grater hat, let alone three?

Grudenism: The Bears have had some leakage in their punt protection.

Couch Commentary: That’s not just a side effect!

Grudenism: Pickett and Raji are running out of gas here.

Couch Commentary: Quick! Get them some cheese.

Grudenism: (On Richie Incognito) Justice must be served.

Couch Commentary: What are we thinking here, Gru?

Couch Commentary: Sold. Round up the Grinders, it’s go time.