Before we get to this week’s Grudenisms, let’s take a minute to appreciate his partner, Mike Tirico. Tirico is a wonderful broadcaster who truly understands the rhythms of the game. During Monday night’s Dolphins vs. Saints game, he proved his true worth. The game turned into a blowout, Gruden started acting like a hyperactive five year old, and Tirico let the bull run. He sold Gruden’s jokes, stepped out of the way, and Jon did Jon. A big thank you to Mike Tirico for assisting with our best week of Grudenisms yet.
Grudenism: If you’re doubled … and you’re all by yourself, you gotta win that battle.
Couch Commentary: Hold on. I’m double-teamed, but I’m all by myself … is this a koan?
Grudenism: I’ve never seen a quarterback throw a back-shoulder pass to a running back who is 5’5” out of the backfield.
Couch Commentary: Come to think of it, I haven’t either. Weird. Glad we crossed that bridge together.
Grudenism: Sean Payton has no tendencies.
Couch Commentary: I bet Mrs. Payton begs to differ.
Grudenism: It’s these formations over and over again that are demoralizing to a defense.
Couch Commentary: It feels like Chuckie is getting the itch, remembering the times when his offenses demoralized opponents. You know, the days before he coached the Bucs.
Grudenism: It’s like getting a beignet; it’s so popular.
Couch Commentary: Let’s change Gruden’s Grinders to Chuckie’s Crullers. Who’s with me?
Grudenism: I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself … but boy that pattern excites me!
Couch Commentary: Calm down, Jon, that suit looks expensive.
Grudenism: Sluggo seam!
Couch Commentary: Uh-oh, coach is getting riled up. Be careful, Mike.
Grudenism: That’s a Spider-2-Y-Banana. There’s a beautiful banana! (Fast forward to the 4:57-mark of the video below for this Grudenism, and the 7:36-mark for some LeBron James – banana talk.)
Couch Commentary: Look out! We just had a Spider-Banana siting. Seriously, Tirico, watch out. You know how he gets around Spider Bananas.
Couch Commentary: That just happened. I warned you, Mike.