Grudenisms: Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos

jon gruden eric ainge tennessee volunteersEven during the most boring football games, Jon Gruden finds a way to bring the heat. Monday night’s matchup between Oakland and Denver was a dull slog, but thankfully we had Gruden to keep us entertained. Here are his greatest hits from the evening—his Grudenisms.

Grudenism: “Got to hang on to those balls.”

Couch Commentary: Chuckie is coming out of the gate strong! Not just football advice, but a great life lesson.

Grudenism: “I’ve always liked that grinder.”

Couch Commentary: What is Gruden’s favorite sandwich? Ham, Kraft Single, yellow mustard, white bread. That’s my guess. 

Grudenism: “Those are two good grinders.”

Couch Commentary: Every time this segment comes on I get that damn Adam Sandler song stuck in my head.

Grudenism: “We call that 13 personnel: 2 tight ends, no wide receivers.”

Couch Commentary: Does anyone get more excited over formations than Gruden? Most parents teach their kids the entire alphabet; Gruden only covers X’s and O’s.

Grudenism: “I wanna see passes on every, single play.”

Couch Commentary: Spoken like a true ex-wide receivers coach.

Grudenism: “Two deep safeties; it’s a soft box.”

Couch Commentary: Hey yo! It may be cable, but this is still a family show, coach.

Grudenism: “If you play that loose, he’ll run the ball right at you”

Couch Commentary: When did Gruden start moonlighting as a 9th grade Health teacher?

Grudenism: “He [Archie Manning] may have stepped on me in a hallway”

Couch Commentary: We’ve all been there, coach. It’s called college.

Grudenism: [to Peyton] “Go out and enjoy victory with your teammates.”

Couch Commentary: Just watch out for this girl named Sweet Pea. That chick cray. And if you see Bryant McKinnie, go home early.