Even during the most boring football games, Jon Gruden finds a way to bring the heat. Monday night’s matchup between Oakland and Denver was a dull slog, but thankfully we had Gruden to keep us entertained. Here are his greatest hits from the evening—his Grudenisms.
Grudenism: “Got to hang on to those balls.”
Couch Commentary: Chuckie is coming out of the gate strong! Not just football advice, but a great life lesson.
Grudenism: “I’ve always liked that grinder.”
Couch Commentary: What is Gruden’s favorite sandwich? Ham, Kraft Single, yellow mustard, white bread. That’s my guess.
Grudenism: “Those are two good grinders.”
Couch Commentary: Every time this segment comes on I get that damn Adam Sandler song stuck in my head.
Grudenism: “We call that 13 personnel: 2 tight ends, no wide receivers.”
Couch Commentary: Does anyone get more excited over formations than Gruden? Most parents teach their kids the entire alphabet; Gruden only covers X’s and O’s.
Grudenism: “I wanna see passes on every, single play.”
Couch Commentary: Spoken like a true ex-wide receivers coach.
Grudenism: “Two deep safeties; it’s a soft box.”
Couch Commentary: Hey yo! It may be cable, but this is still a family show, coach.
Grudenism: “If you play that loose, he’ll run the ball right at you”
Couch Commentary: When did Gruden start moonlighting as a 9th grade Health teacher?
Grudenism: “He [Archie Manning] may have stepped on me in a hallway”
Couch Commentary: We’ve all been there, coach. It’s called college.
Grudenism: [to Peyton] “Go out and enjoy victory with your teammates.”
Couch Commentary: Just watch out for this girl named Sweet Pea. That chick cray. And if you see Bryant McKinnie, go home early.