In the grand tradition of Howard Cosell and John “Grandpa” Madden, Jon Gruden lights the ESPN Monday Night Football Booth on fire. Every Tuesday, Gamedayr brings you the top Gruden moments from the telecast. We like to call them Grudenisms, and we like to provide our “couch commentary” on them.
Grudenism: “Ben Roethlisberger plays quarterback unlike anyone else: risk and reward.”
Couch Commentary: Not at all like Brett Favre, Tony Romo, Mike Vick, RGIII, Carson Palmer, Mark Sanchez, Philip Rivers, or Jay Cutler. Only Big Ben is risk/reward.
Grudenism: “Dick Lebeau is showing blitz—is he bringing it or bluffing it.”
BLITZ! Dick never bluffs.
Grudenism: Troy Polamalu’s calf “really lingered that play.”
Glad that thing stuck around. Coulda been ugly if his calf up and left.
Grudenism: “Jay Gruden has to …” “Jay Gruden doesn’t want …” “Right here Jay Gruden is …”
Jon only calls his brother by his full name. Not “Jay,” not “Gruden,” and certainly not “Coach Gruden.” It’s only “Jay Gruden.” Not even “little bro.”
Grudenism: “2nd and 9 is where Pittsburgh makes their money.”
What’s minimum wage in Pennsylvania?
Grudenism: “Both of these defenses have a lot of junk in their trunk”
Oh. My. God. Becky, look at those butts.
Grudenism: Trey Wingo says that Sunday’s Gruden Grinders are “Guys who never look at the ball.”
Do you think Jon and Trey know about the risqué smartphone ap Grindr?
Grudenism: After the segment Wingo comments on Gruden’s “full grinder face.”
Nah, probably not.
Grudenism: “Roethlisberger can kill you with some of the craziest plays”
Aaron Hernandez joke? Too soon
Capital City Club joke? Too misogynistic
Ray Lewis on the sidelines joke? Too played out
Stay away from this one? Editors stand and applaud.
Grudenism: This week’s Gruden pop quiz: what’s the 0-2-3 formation?
Couldn’t tell you sir, I was too busy searching for a joke to the previous Grudenism.