Miami Marlins now giving away free tickets to all of FAU, because they’re the Marlins

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Fans look on from upper level seats during the National Anthem prior to the Miami Marlins game against the San Diego Padres at Petco Park. Mandatory Credit: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

The Miami Marlins haven’t exactly been drawing record crowds this year, and now they’re straight up giving tickets away. (Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports)

Before you read the official FAU e-mail announcement below, allow us to provide a quick rundown of the dire attendance situation currently taking place in Miami: The Marlins organization essentially held the city hostage, threatening to move the team to a new city if its taxpayers did not foot the bill for a new stadium (for a complete timeline of events, click here). In tough economic times, it was a bold move, but it paid off — literally and figuratively.

The Marlins had their new stadium, and in keeping up their end of the bargain, the organization went out and spent a bunch of money on a gaggle of high-end, big-name talent.

LeBron James was rippin’ it up in American Airlines Arena, the Marlins had their new digs and a whole new set of logo and uniform designs to go with it. All was right on South Beach.

However, the team went on to tank last season and owner Jeff Loria traded off all his expensive pieces for scrap. Basically, he took a bunch of taxpayer money and, like a tool, ran.

Now the sparkling, still-mostly-new stadium sits relatively empty most game nights, because Giancarlo Stanton and a bunch of warm bodies aren’t exactly big box office draws.

First, the Marlins hit up Groupon in an effort to sell Opening Day seats (seriously, they needed help selling tickets to Opening Day, the only day where hope is supposed to spring eternal for every team).

Well, now they’re bypassing Groupon and the 2-for-1 model altogether and just straight up giving away tickets. Why? Because they’re the Miami Marlins.

miami marlins free tickets FAU student

For those wondering, FAU is currently the home of roughly 30,000 undergrad and graduate students and employs roughly 3,100 more.

At four tickets a pop, that’s approximately 132,400 tickets. The stadium itself only seats 37,000.

You can do the math on the rest, but we’ve already got the formula figured out:

An owner who steals taxpayer dollars + a team that should be in the minors = zero tickets paid for.

Sounds about right (harsh, but the angry baseball fan inside can’t help it).

[H/T: @darrenrovell, via @FrankGrande6]

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