Texas A&M is spending tons of money on students masturbating

It seems like Texas A&M University has a problem, and they’re sick of it. According to this “Housing Notice,” posted by @Luke_V09 to Twitter, the university is putting a clamp down on masturbating in the showers.

Masturbation in the showers is a violation of Texas A&M University’s New Housing Code. The Shower drains are NOT designed to handle semen. The excessive amounts of semen in the drain costs thousands of dollars in maintenance and may be reflected in housing prices increases for the following Spring 2014 semester.

So, basically, the university may implement a “semen tax” starting in 2014.

The notice even helps students out by suggesting acceptable places to masturbate. Feel free to use your bed, roommate’s bed, keyboard, floor, closet, roommate’s closet, toilet, or elevators.

Hold on a minute, elevators? Texas A&M may want to rethink suggesting places for students to masturbate. This seems like it could turn into something bad real quick.

Maybe students should just take the last piece of advice and get a girlfriend – one who “puts out.”

Johnny Manziel, this notice doesn’t pertain to you. Carry on with your day.

 

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