Dear Jeremy Foley, Please Don’t Hire Any Of These Coaches

Before Florida hires a new football coach, you’ll probably read about a billion and one wish/top target lists. In an effort to go against the grain, I’ve also decided to put together a list of candidates that I’d rather not see step foot in The Swamp.

After all, when making a multi-million dollar decision, isn’t it easiest to start with the elimination process? That’s what I always do.

So, without further ado, here’s one man’s opinion on who the Gators should not bring on as coach. If you see Jeremy Foley strolling around campus, please be sure to give him this – I’m sure ol’ J-Bones loves reading these things.

Rich Rodriguez

Hear me out on this one. You’ll see Rich Rod on all the hot lists, but to him I say “good day, sir.” Yes he’s the godfather of the spread offense, and yes he has done well at Arizona, but I’m not sold.

For one, UF has the same high standards as Michigan – a place where Rodriguez couldn’t cut the mustard. Some claim he didn’t have full institutional support in Ann Arbor, which may very well be true, but he didn’t make it in three seasons and that’s about all he’d have in Gainesville to prove his worth. On top of that, the way in which Rodriguez left West Virginia still rubs me the wrong way.

So yes, while he might be doing big boy things in the Pac-12, Rich Rod just seems less than desirable to me. Besides, who wants to be eskimo brothers with Michigan? No thanks.

Dan Mullen

Believe me, I’m not trying to be a contrarian with these choices; I just honestly don’t see Mullen working out. If you watch/listen to his interviews, when he talks about Florida there is a coldness in his voice. He remembers when Florida fans wanted him fired. He says that winning at UF stopped being fun because expectations were so unrealistically high. If Mullen were to be offered and accept, it would feel like somebody moving up the ladder because he felt the need, not necessarily the desire.

If you need other reasons why Mullen may not be a good fit, here are some quickies: it’s taken him six years to finish better than fourth in the West; some Mississippi State fans were calling for his head before this magical season; the Urban Meyer era is one in which UF is trying to keep at arm’s length; Mississippi State has been patient with him, Florida will not be (fans, at least); Foley moves forward, not backwards (see: Spurrier, Steve).

Bobby Petrino

Sorry, but I’m not ready to sell my soul to the devil just yet. Hiring Petrino essentially says, “Hey, we don’t give a fuck about morals and are just in it for the W’s, bay-bee.” There’s not enough room in the state for two schools like that.

 

Dabo Swinney

I’m not trying to lose to FSU and South Carolina every year. Sure, 11-2 is great, but you’re not winning nattys with Dabo. Florida just axed a coach who always seemed to find a way to shit the bed in big games. Why bring on another?

Mike Gundy

He’s basically Dabo of the Midwest. And after that whole 40-year old virgin rant where Gundy bullied the media, I’m not feeling the happy vibes. Also, you’d have to think UF at leasts reaches out to Bob Stoops – wouldn’t it be weird to turn around and hire his whipping boy from Stillwater after Big Game says no?

Mike Shanahan

I believe you’d get your ass kicked saying something like that, man.

 

 

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